ITV today announced the new judges line-up for 2012 and how to apply to appear on the show.
Out go Michelle Milkytyre and Darius Hassletoff replaced by Bitty Britain star David Walliams and Strictly Corn Dancing judge Alesha Dixon. Simon Cowell will return to the show after a year in Thailand avoiding fiance Meghzany Hussein and searching for a new tight trouser producing factory.
Cowell told the half asleep journalists still wishing they were on holiday that he is delighted to be back and the public should definitely watch his show and not Dancing On Ice, Strictly Come Dancing or The Voice.
"Don't forget we are the show that brought you Susan Boyle. She was a worthy winner. I mean runner-up. To... errr... Was it Shane Ward?
Oh, look it up on wikipedia. Anyway, with David Walliams as a judge, we've upped the ante. All auditions will now take place in the River Thames. Every contestant has to swim AGAINST THE CURRENT, halfway to France, before performing their routine. If David is impressed, he will give the thumbs up - the budget didn't stretch to a water proof buzzer. This is definitely going to be the best Britain's Got Talent ever. Please, please please please watch it"