Written by DJC
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Monday, 2 January 2012

image for Bieber and Gaga to star in Gone with the Wind remake
Costume designs for the revamped Gone with the Wind are progressing steadily

News that Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga are set to take on the roles made famous by Clark Gable and Vivien Leigh spread through Hollywood almost as quickly as news of the Madoff ponzi-scheme collapse earlier today.

United Artists called a press conference to announce the news with both stars in attendance. Lady Gaga was dressed elegantly in a horses head with the faintest introduction of dog excrement on it's nose. Justin Bieber went for the casual look in sweater and track pants with holes in the pocket to fiddle with himself when he gets bored.

Of course, the main question posed by journalists to gay-yet-married director Baz Luhrmann was how do you recreate a classic?

"Recreate?" screeched Luhrmann at the startled throng. "I intend to contemperise the whole thing - think Gaga coming down the stairs in a giant zorb ball, Bieber serenading with one of his recent classics"

All is not well on pre-production however. Writers are threatening to strike unless Luhrmann agrees to use the original ending line for the movie, the famous "frankly my dear, I don't give a damn" rather than his preferred "Fuck off."

If recreation and Luhrmann's past track record in gifting us the awful sight of Claire Danes attempting Shakespeare is anything to go by, then come summer there should be another steaming pile of horse manure clogging the screens and robbing your wallet.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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