Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 2 January 2012

image for Russell Brand Reveals That Katy Perry's Breastfeeding Comment Was The Last Straw
The bar at The Silly Sardine Swedish Restaurant in Avocado Heights.

LOS ANGELES - Russell Brand filed for divorce after being married to Katy Perry for only 14 months.

He recently spoke with Pico de Gallo, a reporter with Tittle Tattle Tonight and stated that the main reason why he had decided to file for a divorce was due to his and (Katy) Perry's political differences.

Brand pointed out that he knows that there are many couples who live together in perfect harmony who have differing political views such as political pundits James Carville who is a staunch Democrat and his wife Mary Matalin who is a dyed-in-the-wool Republican.

But he never realized that Katy was such a strongly opinionated GOPer. He told de Gallo that after one of their extended vavavooming sessions back in November that his wife first informed him that she really liked Michele Bachmann and that she was going to support her.

Brand said that he was shocked as previous to that day, Katy had made all kinds of disparaging remarks about Bachmann regarding her 50s June Cleaver hairdo, her horrendously awful choice of eye liner, her dislike for the way Mrs. Obama dressed her two daughters Malia and Sasha, and even her quasi addiction to sauerkraut pudding.

But he said that he managed to put up with all of that since Katy pretty well kept it all under wraps and conveyed those thoughts privately and only to him.

Russell pointed out that the last straw came when she made her breastfeeding remark while out in public.

He explained that on Thursday, December 29, he and Katy were having dinner at The Silly Sardine Swedish Restaurant in Avocado Heights.

Brand admitted that the two had been drinking pretty much all afternoon and were both quite lit up. About half way through the meal he casually told Katy Did, as he calls her, that he was going to actively campaign for President Obama starting the second week of January.

He said that Katy exploded tossing her plate of Black Lumpfish Caviar all over the floor. Russell said that everyone in the place put their knives and forks down and turned towards the couple.

A young woman sitting at the bar nearby made some kind of remark to the affect of celebrities being so spoiled. Katy turned to look towards the woman and noticed that she was under-endowed in the breast department.

The extremely well-endowed Mrs. Brand grinned and sarcastically offered to breast feed the woman's chubby little baby for her.

As it turned out it was not a baby but the woman's husband who was a midget and who for some unknown reason just happened to be wearing a baby's bonnet.

The flat-chested woman angrily got off her stool and started walking towards Katy yelling that she was going to yank her wig off her head and beat her with it.

Luckily for Katy, one of the waiters managed to tackle the angry woman and wrestle her to the floor while the manager had a security guard escort the Brands out the door.

As Russell waited for the valet to bring their car around he was heard to mutter to Katy, that, that was the last straw and that he would have been willing to put up with her being a Michele Bachmann supporter but that he refused to be married to the female Ricky Gervais.

Russell Brand filed for divorce on grounds of Irreconcilable Ipso Facto Differences in Los Angeles the very next day, December 30, 2011.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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