Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 1 January 2012

image for After Seeing Kelly Clarkson's Album Sales Shoot Up 442% After She Endorses Ron Paul, Kanye West Decides To Endorse Michele Bachmann
Ron Paul is thrilled to have Kelly Clarkson's support. (Photo courtesy of Vice-President Joe Biden).

DALLAS - Kelly Clarkson says that she is absolutely shocked at the fantastic surge in record sales after she announced that she would vote for Ron Paul for president.

The Texas native said that at first she was concerned because a lot of haters took to Twitter and badmouthed her calling her names like chubby, fatty, thunder thighs, and Wynonna.

But soon all of the negativity turned to positivity as her fans and even people who had never really followed her began buying her latest album titled Stronger.

The Amazon Woman Record Company has stated that Clarkson's album has shot up an amazing 442 percent and has gone from number 38 to number 7 on the charts in just 48 hours.

A record spokesperson stated that her album has just become the number one selling album in Minnesota, Mexico, Mississippi, Macedonia, Missouri, Mozambique, Montana, and Malaysia.

Upon hearing this news Kanye West quickly called a news conference and told the reporters that effective immediately he would like to cast his vote for president of the United States for Michele Bachmann.

The room erupted in laughter. One of the reporters asked him if he was kidding. The short-fused Kanye took a sip of his Mad Dog 20/20 Wine, grabbed his crotch, and asked, "Say cracker do dis here look like I be kiddin?"

A loud, boomin' voice in the back of the room hollered out, "Say brutha, from where's I be sittin' I got's ta say da what ju got dare sho nuff be one funny ass laughin' matter fa shizzle ma nizzle uh huh, ya know what I be sayin bro?"

The room once again erupted in wails of laughter as reporters all started laughing uncontrollably and giving one another high fives, low fives, fist bumps, and chest bumps.

Voodoo Dupree, a female reporter for The West Hollywood Flaming Gazette had to be treated at a nearby drive-thru clinic for some bruised tata's on account of the fact that she had been chest bumped a little bit to hard by YoDelle Denzel St. Bling of Afro Sheen Magazine.

FOOTNOTE: Kelly Clarkson is so thrilled at the tremendous sales of her album that she has sent Ron Paul a red, white, and blue bikini swimsuit. She noted that it was given to her four years ago by Ryan Seacrest and that Mr. Paul can sell it on eBay to help raise money for his campaign.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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