Written by Bob
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: Foot, puberty

Monday, 3 November 2003

image for Timberlake Loves to Stroke his One-Eyed Trousersnake
Smug git

Justin 'Cuddly-Buns' Timberlake has revealed his hidden secret: he has a three-foot trousersnake. Pop star and all-round bad-boy type Justin admitted to teen magazine 'Just Hit Puberty' that he is the proud owner of a 36 Inch beast, which he masages every night.

The elusive South American Trousersnake usually only grows to about 18 inches, says reptile expert Jilly Spackerton. "Its only a small snake, but for Justin's to be 36 inches is an impressive size."

Trousersnakes are native to Columbia and Surrey, but in Justin's slightly-too-baggy khaki cargo-pants it seems to have grown comfortably to a large size.

Justin said, "I like to massage my trousersnake every night, it helps it to grow. I feed it rats and mice usually, though as a treat it gets Fois Gras paté or perhaps some eggs benedict."
He added, "I heard of a guy in Arizona who had a 40 inch specimen, so mine's not that big really."

Justin adopted the snake after seeing it in a pet shop. Unfortunately the animal only has one eye, but that doesn't matter to him. "I love my one-eyed trousersnake. I stroke him a lot."
The snake's name, Little Justin, is taken from Justin's own name. He calls it 'little' for the feeling of superiority it gives him.

Justin Timberlake was famously in choreographed-dance-move-songs-written-for-them-talentless-arsehole boy-band N-Sync, before he went solo.
Timberlake's hits include Cry Me A River and a few with N-Sync, who were only big in America. He got to be most famous by dating Britney Spears, though he didn't shag her.

Make Bob's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 2 plus 3?

3 6 5 10
44 readers are online right now!

Go to top