Written by Bob
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Topics: Foot, puberty

Monday, 3 November 2003

image for Timberlake Loves to Stroke his One-Eyed Trousersnake
Smug git

Justin 'Cuddly-Buns' Timberlake has revealed his hidden secret: he has a three-foot trousersnake. Pop star and all-round bad-boy type Justin admitted to teen magazine 'Just Hit Puberty' that he is the proud owner of a 36 Inch beast, which he masages every night.

The elusive South American Trousersnake usually only grows to about 18 inches, says reptile expert Jilly Spackerton. "Its only a small snake, but for Justin's to be 36 inches is an impressive size."

Trousersnakes are native to Columbia and Surrey, but in Justin's slightly-too-baggy khaki cargo-pants it seems to have grown comfortably to a large size.

Justin said, "I like to massage my trousersnake every night, it helps it to grow. I feed it rats and mice usually, though as a treat it gets Fois Gras paté or perhaps some eggs benedict."
He added, "I heard of a guy in Arizona who had a 40 inch specimen, so mine's not that big really."

Justin adopted the snake after seeing it in a pet shop. Unfortunately the animal only has one eye, but that doesn't matter to him. "I love my one-eyed trousersnake. I stroke him a lot."
The snake's name, Little Justin, is taken from Justin's own name. He calls it 'little' for the feeling of superiority it gives him.

Justin Timberlake was famously in choreographed-dance-move-songs-written-for-them-talentless-arsehole boy-band N-Sync, before he went solo.
Timberlake's hits include Cry Me A River and a few with N-Sync, who were only big in America. He got to be most famous by dating Britney Spears, though he didn't shag her.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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