Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 29 December 2011

image for Jim Carrey, 49, Finds Love and A Male Ego Booster In His New 23-Year-Old Russian Student Girlfriend
Jim Carrey's new Russian girlfriend is also fluent in Peruvian, Yiddish, and Ethiopian. (Photo by Maksim Chmerkovskiy).

NEW YORK CITY - No matter what he may say to the contrary Jim Carrey is still extremely devastated at having been dumped by the fantastically gorgeous Jenny McCarthy.

Funnyman Carrey has said that Jenny did him a favor by breaking up with him. Okay, in what way? Did she threaten to remove his onions with a machete?

Did she tell him she wanted him to take all of his money and put it all in her own personal savings account? Or did she maybe simply just get sick and tired of being with a man whose idea of fun is having his wife watch him make childish, immature faces as he sits across the dinner table wearing a Sponge Bob Square Pants outfit?

Hmmm, we can let the American voters decide on that one. But in the meantime Jim Carrey says that he has finally found the true love of his life.

Carrey spoke with Dylan Fresco of Hollywood Vis-a-Vis and told him that his new love, 23-year-old Russian student Anastasia Vitkina [Pronounced: GOLD DIG-GER] is the woman of his dreams.

He added that it took him three decades to finally find a female who gets all of his jokes including those silly Ethiopian knock-knock jokes which even most Ethiopian natives don't get.

Fresco tried to speak with Miss Vitkina but she is extremely shy and does not really have very good command of the English language. An unnamed, close friend of hers added that Tassy as she is known, is mostly afraid of saying the wrong thing and getting her Russian butt dumped by the very rich Mr. Carrey.

Carrey was asked what he thought about what his ex-wife Jenny McCarthy had said that Vitkina looks kind of like David Spade with poodle hair.

The former funnyman simply replied that Jenny is still mad because he once told Larry King that she had inverted nipples, cellulite on her G-spot, and was missing her labia minora.

In Other News. The Las Vegas oddsmakers who were giving 3 to 1 odds that Jennifer Aniston would take Brad Pitt away from Angelina Jolie before Christmas have lost a reported $7.2 million.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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