Written by Skoob1999
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Wednesday, 28 December 2011

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Grrrr! Bloody Dork Bastards!

Web analytics site www.skoobexa.con today announced in its half year summary that satire website www.thespoof.com appears to be in terminal decline. Principally because it just isn't funny any more.

The site has been losing readers in their thousands, following its shameless plugging of The Dorking Review, a witless tome, apparently penned by a bunch of retards with the sole intention of using the finished product as a doorstop, or something with which to prop up a wobbly table leg.

If reports are to be believed, The Spoof's administrator, a certain Mr Lowton has upped sticks and fled the country. One rumour has it that he's holed up in Thailand with a former Spoof stalwart in Pattaya Beach, considering his position, and drinking copious quantities of Tiger beer.

Either that, or he's become the secret cyber lover of a demented stalker who seemingly bears a passing resemblance to the Loch Ness Monster. Only with outsized and horrendously malodorous bloomers.

Whatever Mr Lowton is up to, it's become abundantly clear that he's been neglecting his online duties, although few could really blame him for that, given the dire quality of submissions to the once venerated site.

"I wouldn't like to read that shite, day in, day out," one former contributor said.

Satire website monitor, www.twatiristsonline.scum related that the Spoof's decline in popularity was inextricably linked to it's 'piss poor output' and a cadre of writers who 'are so far up their own arses that they can actually see daylight through their own earholes.'

However, contributor Wisdom Grimsdale vehemently denied that the site was in serious freefall.

"It's probably better now than it's ever been," Grimsdale fumed. "We've seen some fantastic technical innovations, and we've welcomed some prodigious new talent on board in recent months. Of course, not everybody agrees with where we're going, and detractors frequently argue that viewing figures and submissions are down on last year. What they don't seem to realise is that the site has now become two sites, and that as far as contributions go - of course they'll be down on last year. It takes longer to make up genuinely amusing stories than it does to write about Twilight, Miley Cyrus's vagina, Jordan's breast implants, or similarly themed scatological nonsense."

Local man, Martin Shuttlecock - a one time contributor, told analysts that the site was moving in a new direction, and advised participants to be patient, as he has every faith that the site will attract a dedicated following, in time.

"I've heard some derisory comments alleging that the site and its writers were trying to form some kind of elitist clique," Shuttlecock said. "That's just nonsense. I'm as thick as fuck, me, but they still make me welcome. My impression is that there was a groundswell of opinion that just wanted to get away from writing pseudo porn about kids. Or writing my own deluded sexual fantasies and putting them out as 'humour.' So I rolled with it, and I'm much happier with the site now. There's a book out based on it, videos on YouTube, and its reputation gets stronger every day. Funnily enough, I've noticed recently that some 'elite' UK based satire sites are starting to copy our style. They do say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, although I'm not altogether sure that's true. Anyway, apparently there's another Dorking Review coming out next year, which will probably piss some people right off, but there you go. Anyway, I don't have time to hang around talking bollocks with you. I've got a cold one waiting in the fridge."

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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