Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 26 December 2011

image for Kobe & Kate? - Kobe Bryant Denies The Kate Gosselin Romance Rumors
A basketball that Heidi Montag says Kobe gave her the day after Thanksgiving.

LOS ANGELES - Well it looks like jolly olde St. Nick wasn't too good to jolly olde St. Kobe as his Los Angeles Lakers were beaten by the Chicago Bulls 88-87 in their NBA Christmas Day season opener in Tinsel Town.

Bryant playing with a torn wrist ligament, athlete's foot, a mild case of dandruff, and a bruised marital ego refused to talk to the sports reporters on the court after the game.

Kobe did send word, by way of Luke "The White Dude" Walton, to Sports Territory Magazine's Tango Brisket that he is not going to allow the fact that his gorgeously sexy wife Vanessa has filed for divorce interfere with his game playing.

Number 24, scored 28 points as he went 11 for 23. He shot 7 free throws and made 6. But the thing that made K.B. look like Luke Walton was the fact that he turned the basketball over to the Bulls a total of 8 times, or just 1 time less than the entire Lakers team combined.

Kobe blamed it on the fact that the crowd was exceptionally loud and it really affected his concentration especially when former baseball great Frank Robinson hollered out "Hey, Kobe, hit a home run bro."

Bryant said that it confused him temporarily and during the next 'time out' he had one of the Staples Center security guards walk over to Mr. Robinson and tell him to stop making baseball type remarks.

Kobe said that Jack Nicholson also got him nervous every time he would yell out, "We need Phil Jackson back" and "Whose friggin idea was it to trade Lamar Odom to the Dallas Mavericks anyway?"

After the game, when Kobe had showered and was leaving the Staples Center, Mr. Brisket did manage to catch up to him. He asked him how his torn wrist ligament was doing.

Kobe took a sip of his Corona Light and looked at his wrist and said that on a pain scale of 1 to 10, it was an 11. He then added that he wanted Brisket to print in his magazine that he is sorry for allegedly messing around on Vanessa and that she is the most beautiful, sexiest, fantastic lover in the world, and that Kim Kardashian compared to her is like Newt Gingrich compared to George Clooney.

Brisket asked him about all of the other women that he is alleged to have been involved with which includes Kim along with Jessica Burciaga, Heidi Montag, Carla DiBello, Sanaa Lathan, Eva Longoria, and Kate Gosselin.

"Kate Gosselin?" Kobe yelled out.

"You mean Kate, like the Kate from Jon & Kate Plus 8, and then later Kate Plus 8?"

"That's the one." Brisket replied.

Kobe shook his head and told him that she's Steven Tyler's girlfriend and that he has never even met Kate Gosselin much less buttered her muffin.

Brisket smiled, "So then you're telling me that you've never parked your beef bus in her donut station?"

Bryant grinned and replied that he most certainly had not.

"Well then," Brisket quizzed "Have you and Mrs. Gosselin ever engaged in the naughty-naughty, the rumpy pumpy, or the mattress mambo?"

Kobe almost dropped his bottle of Corona Light, "No! No! and No!"

And with that Brisket bid Kobe adieu and told him that he would certainly be making him look good in his Sports Territory Magazine article.

Kobe thanked him and asked if he wanted a drink of his Corona Light.

Brisket rolled his eyes, "No thank you. I just had half a bottle of Jose Cuervo."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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