HOLLYWOOD - Every Christmas season all of the networks schedule dozens and dozens of holiday themed shows, old time Christmas movies, and oodles of seasonal cartoons geared to holly jolly olde St. Nick and the other cast of Christmasy folks.
This season is no different as all of us have already noticed with the 783rd showing of Miracle On 34th Street, the 768th showing of It's A Wonderful Life, the 759th showing of White Christmas, and the 13th showing of 1999s Scrooge Gets His Butt Kicked and Rightly So.
Television specials also abound with Christmas offerings by Michael Bublé, Celine Dion, Martina McBride, and Diddy Doo Dah, the artist formerly known as Puff Diddy, P. Diddy, Diddy Be Bop, Hip Hop Diddy Squat, Puff Puff Scooby Dooby Diddy, Peter Piper Pecker Puff Diddy, Cocoa Puffs Black Daddy Dude Dildo Diddy, and just plain Did.
According to TV ClickerWorld's Achtung Zumwalt this season the Christmas show hosted by a pair of Taylor's, Taylor Swift, and Taylor Lautner has blown all of the other seasonal offerings off into the land of the retired Christmas elves.
Taylor "T-Swizzle" Swift and Taylor "Tay-Tay" Lautner combined for what Zumwalt called "The best Christmas special I have ever seen and I have seen them all including three from Wales, two from Laos, and one from Russia."
In the Taylor duo special both namesakes star in a 25 minute mini-Christmas story based on the novel by Panama's noted Christmas author Monroe "Johnny Walker Red" Balloonfield.
Balloonfield is best noted for being one hell of a heavy drinker plus also for having authored the autobiography by President George Bush's Secretary of State Donald Rumsfeld titled, I Did Not Know Diddly Squat About No Weapons of Mass Destruction.
The book received the Peabody Award for Methaphoristic Allusionary Symbolic Allegory plus Scotland's coveted Sir Bunky Award of Meritorious Merit For Best Use Of A Double Negative In A Book Title.
Taylor Swift informed Mr. Zumwalt that she had so much fun making the special that she had decided to take the check from the special and donate it to purchase bubblegum for the poverty-stricken indigent kids of Detroit.
Taylor Lautner said that he would be keeping his check and putting it towards sprucing up his winter wardrobe.
In other news. Arizona Governor Jan Brewer said that the rumor spreading throughout her home state that she had banned Christmas is totally false. She did admit tongue-in-cheek that she is somewhat of a mean bitch but she isn't THAT much of a mean bitch.