Written by shufflewick71
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Tuesday, 20 December 2011

image for Sir Bruce Forsythe's estranged wig off on hols for Christmas
Close friends of Stanley expressed their support for him yesterday.

With Christmas fast approaching, news reaches us that Simon Cowell and his merry band of brown nosers are not the only ones off on an annual winter break this year.

After many years of loyal service, Sir Bruce Forsythe's wig, Stanley, is off on a long overdue winter break. Our sources say that all is not well between Stanley and Brucie, hence the festive separation.

Having never been publicly given the credit he is due, Stanley has expressed his bitterness in an exclusive interview with 'Good Afternoon' magazine this week.

' To be honest I am mightily hacked off. For years I have adorned the head of Uncle Brucie, the world's favourite game show host and catchphrase king - 'Good game, good game' and 'Didn't he do well?' -and all of that cheesy bollocks that I've had to put up with over the years, and what thanks do I get for it? Where's my ruddy knighthood? All I've ever gotten is a cool wash in 'Daz' and a quick tumble dry every 6 months. Think about it. I may be but a humble wig, but can you imagine Brucie without his syrup? It's like Prince Charlie without his jug ears....and I mean that respectfully of course. Oh no!! Do you think I've blown me knighthood now? Edit that will ya?'

When questioned as to his exact holiday destination, Stanley was somewhat reluctant to divulge that information.

'Well to be fair, if I tell you that, I'll have Brucie on the blower left, right and centre trying to get me back. Suffice to say it'll be somewhere hot and sweaty....maybe Paul Daniels' head now he's got a vacancy. Perhaps I can have a rest as well, as he ain't been on telly for years now, cos that 'Strictly' stint has well aged me. I swear down I've sprouted a few grey hairs after that!'

Whilst Stanley was in hiding following his exclusive, Sir Bruce was briefly seen this morning, exiting his home donning a replacement, however at such short notice, his wigmaker could only lend him a 'Jackson Five' afro, until a new wig is fashioned.

Oh dear.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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