Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 20 December 2011

image for X-Factor Host Steve Jones Will Be Given The Old Heave Ho and Be Replaced By Derek Hough
Derek Hough will be putting away his dancing shoes in order to be the host of X-Factor. (Photo courtesy of Julianne Hough).

HOLLYWOOD - It is no secret that Steve Jones hosting X-Factor is kind of like watching a salmon climb out of a river and try to run along the banks - it is a very sad and uncomfortable sight to watch.

Many of the Hollywood publications including Tittle Tattle Tonight, iRumors, and Bedroom Pillow Talk have all wondered exactly how in the world Steve Jones was picked to be the host of X-Factor.

No doubt the Welshman would be fantastic if it were X-Factor Wales or even X-Factor Canada, but X-Factor USA just does not work no matter how hard the producers tried even going as far as having him listen to records by comedians George Carlin, Jonathan Winters, and Richard Jeni.

Steve just does not have that hormonal gene (the XP-27) that can make him sound American. And as a result at times he sounded like he was communicating with porpoises.

And this caused the 34-year-old Jones to mispronounce words so badly that hardly anyone knew what he was saying; for example words like chrysanthemum, homogenized, breast augmentation, fajitas, Ndamukong Suh, clitoris, and paparazzi.

And so the powers that be at FOX finally decided to pay attention to the millions of emails, texts, and phone calls they received and they will be replacing Steve Jones at the end of the current season.

When asked who would be replacing him a reliable, unnamed, inside source stated that Steve Jones' replacement will be Dancing With The Stars dancer Derek Hough.

They pointed out that Hough had a connection to the show since earlier this year at the very beginning Derek's then-girlfriend Cheryl Cole had been picked to be one of the judges, but she was soon fired because no one could even remotely understand what the hell she was saying.

CLOSING TIDBIT: Nicole Scherzinger who has taken quite a lot of verbal attacks in the form of booing says that she is still not sure if she will return. She said that Simon (Cowell) has begged her to return but if she does he will have to give her one hell of a pay raise plus some other damn good amenities.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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