Written by jd Balderdash
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Saturday, 4 February 2006

image for Pitt Cheats on Jolie with Aniston, Jolie goes Postal

"Dog of the month" Brad Pitt somehow woofed his way back into the heart of Jennifer Aniston last night after Paparazzis snapped the former couple cuddling in a backroom booth of an un-named bistro in an un-named part of of an un-named part of town. Jolie, police say, "simply went postal" after receiving a real-time tip about Pitt's backroom romantic rendezvous with Aniston between Pitt and his former wife Jennifer Aniston.

Even though she has a "baby on board", Jolie donned her patented tight-fitting Tomb Raider 2 "Laura Croft" outfit .. guns, grenades, flame-throwers and all before heading over to the bistro where Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston were allegedly secretly meeting.

The bistro's owner later told police,

"By the time Mz Jolie arrived and shot up the place a bit, Mr Pitt and Jennifer Aniston were long gone. Luckily we suffered no casualties but Mz Jolie WAS in a bit of a tif. She blew a hole in our lobster aquarium, they got out and escaped but other than that we're OK."

Angelina Jolie, now at large, wanted by police for questioning has yet to return to her home. Jon Voight, Jolie's estranged father asks police to NOT shoot his daughter on sight if they should find her. Speaking with reporters he said,

"She's a good kid. She just has a bit of a jealous streak in her. Nothing serious but she can get a bit grumpy when another woman steals her boyfriend. Everybody can go down in flames if that happens."

When informed that his daughter stole another woman's entire HUSBAND Voight refused further comment.

Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt have also not "re-surfaced" since the bistro incident. Police, as of yet, do not suspect foul play but DO warn citizens to be on the look out for Laura Croft, Tomb Raider, fully armed, woman scorned, 101% POSTAL about another woman "taking her man" and further warned citizens,

"If you have EVER seen any Tomb Raider movie or Sky Captain for that matter, Angelina Jolie aka "Laura Croft" is assumed to be thoroughly armed and extremely, extremely .. extremely dangerous."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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