Written by P.M. Wortham
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Monday, 19 December 2011

image for Kardashians Sign Deal for Survivor 25 - Death Valley
Death Valley, but no Malls in sight.

Already setting up in the harsh desert of Death Valley, the Kardashian family with their less than photogenic accompaniment of husbands arrived unscathed at their central campsite to begin season 25 of the Survivor television series.

Emotional fireworks began almost instantly once Kim and her sisters realized that it really would be a true desert survival series and not a survival hardship that meant a limited credit line at a middle class shopping mall. Insiders to the Mark Burnett production say that momma Kris may have misled the family in order to get them all to show up on set. The Survivor show producers agreed to the stunt, thinking that a few of the Kardashian girls bouncing around in bandanna bikinis might be good for ratings as well.

The first day of filming revealed the intended manipulation of the family, as Kris took every opportunity to hawk her new book which was released, interestingly enough, the day after Kim announced her divorce from what's his name. While describing to the camera how difficult her life was, as outlined in her book and while she wore more jewelry that the average American had in retirement savings, the rest of the family was trying to figure out how to boil water. Two of the girls were seen wandering around Death Valley looking for a kitchen, a sink and a faucet. One of them was heard saying "Once we find the faucet, we have to put it on that stove thingy, right?"

Bruce and the men attempted to take charge soon after, finding the wreckage of a plane that had crashed nearby, and fashioning the fuselage into a suitable shelter from the sun and wind. Proud of their initiative and accomplishment, the Kardashian women responded with disbelief and denial. "Good enough for you, Bruce, now where's my suite? I need a shower and somebody to re-do my nails", said Kim.

Filming only lasted for a day and a half, while host Jeff Probst was captured on camera several times laughing at the family dynamic, calling it "reality TV gold". Producers felt that they could easily extract an entire season from the 36 hour event. Interviewed on the helicopter ride back to Los Angeles, Kris's personal assistant said, "Kris and the family deserve credit for braving the harsh elements, and surviving certain death out in the desert". Show assistant producer Bud Melman responded, "They went un-pampered and inconvenienced for what, a whole day? Drama queens".

Bruce Jenner and the in-law husbands were left behind by their own request. "No. No rush getting us back there", said Jenner. "In fact, just leave us the rice and some water and we'll be fine". Everyone nodded in agreement. "Oh and be sure to take all our cell phones too", said Jenner. Everyone nodded again in agreement. As the chopper prepared to lift off, Jenner asked, "Would you happen to have a few fake Mexico passports handy". The men in the background could be heard to comment, "Amen brother", and "Word".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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