Written by shufflewick71
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Topics: Jimmy Saville

Sunday, 18 December 2011

image for Sir Jimmy Savile lovechild claims go on - 'I'm one too', says Kerry Katona
A Marlboro spokesman said, 'We'll be out of business in days', as Katona reaches for the cigars instead.

Claims that Sir Jimmy Savile fathered various secret children go on and on, as today, ex-Atomic Kitten/tabloid ho, Kerry Katona, today shocked the nation with the revelation that she is one of them too!

'It's bloody well true,' she said today, as she attended the opening of an envelope.

'Me Mam was a right little raver in her youth. In fact, she was known as 'Yo-Yo knickers Katona' back in the day. So what 'appened was she got tickets to be in the audience for 'Top of The Pops' in 1979,and caught Jimmy's eye with her spandex flares and 'Status Quo' boob tube. It was wham, bam, thank you Ma'am behind 'Dr. Hook's' giant amplifier, and the rest is history.'

The incredible news comes after a tempestuous few years for Ms Katona, just when she appears to be 'on the up' again.

'I tell you what...just when I've got me life back on track, this has come as a right bloody shocker, but out of everything bad comes summat good, as I've got meself a right crackin' little deal with 'Good Afternoon' magazine, where I'll be telling the world all about it next week, accompanied with some right glossy little photos of meself and the kids in red trackies and 'Jim'll Fix It' badges. I'm also gonna stop the fags and change over to cigars as a sign of respect to me late Dad. Well it's gotta be done innit? Thanks to him and me Mam's 'bit of the old in 'n' out', I'll be living off this story for flaming years, love!'

Kerry refuted claims that she had only made the revelation public now, when Sir Jimmy's 2.5 million pound fortune has been revealed.

' Why the chuff would I care about that? I've spent more that that on Marlboro lights and kebabs over the years. Besides, the publicity alone from this'll cover me annual week in Benidorm for life, mate!'

Ms. Katona excused herself (it was the curry she had last night that did it) leaving paps floundering in her wake, as she drove off to attend Max Clifford's tupperware party.

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