Written by shufflewick71
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Topics: Peter Andre

Saturday, 17 December 2011

image for Exclusive! Peter Andre marriage breakdown: 'I left Katie 'cos her tits exploded'
At her condom launch, Price modelled the new range on her head. 'Fuckin' brill aren't they?' she said.

The much-loved reality star and greek knock-off, Peter Andre has sensationally revealed this week the reasons behind the breakdown of his marriage to human blow-up doll, Katie 'Jordan' Price.

The reasons for the crash and burn of his nuptuals were shockingly revealed in this weeks issue of 'Good Afternoon' magazine. There had been much speculation as to why Andre walked out, one of which being he came home to find her in bed with Jodie Marsh, Nick Clegg and a sink plunger, but the truth is finally out.

'Mate, it was hell. I just couldn't deal with the tit situation anymore. Everytime we were getting down and jiggy, they'd blow up like an unpricked banger on a barbie. I'd end up with a faceful of sillicone and my manhood dented...and I mean that literally mate.'

The revelation comes just after the recent explosion of Pricey's boobage at a Christmas candlelight service in Brighton, where the vicar, the woman playing the organ, and a 10 year old choirboy suffered minor injuries from flying sillicone, and there was one fatality - Price's pink 'Playboy' croptop, which she has yet to fully recover from.

Katie Price, upon hearing the truth was out, made a statement to paps yesterday, whilst attending the launch of her latest product, 'Johnnies by Kate', a range of designer, musical condoms which - when worn - play her ex-husbands most famous hit, 'Mysterious Girl.'

'Whatever. That bloke'll do anything for a bit of publicity. He don't live a low key, tasteful life like what I do. Perhaps all you lot'll shut up now, eh? As if I would been seen dead with that slag Marsh or a muppet like Clegg. The only one of the three I'd take is the sink plunger, and not for the first time either.'

' Dunno what 'e's bloody moaning about anyway, Greek twat. He loved it when my boobs went off on one. He said it was great for his complexion, and was even thinkin' of bringing out a range of sillicone-added skin care products.'

Anyway, I can't 'ang about. I've got a vajazzle appointment in 'alf an hour.'

Late breaking news: Our sources say that Peter Andre's new skin care range, 'Silli-cleanse for men by Andre,' will be available in shops on Monday, in all high street outlets and department stores, except Harrods who laughed in his face and told him to 'piss off.'

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