Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 15 December 2011

image for Jon Gosselin Penniless and Broke Asks Ex-Wife Kate Gosselin For A Loan
Kate says that boyfriend Steven Tyler has taught her a lot about music, fashion, makeup, and sexual positions.

READING, Pennsylvania - it appears that one of the former stars of the television cable show Jon and Kate Plus 8 has fallen on hard times.

After his divorce from his wife Kate Gosselin, Jon Gosselin became, in his own words, the South Korean Playboy.

And "Itty-Bitty" as his ex-wife Kate called him (for intimate reasons) quickly jumped into the world of unbridled bachelorhood. He started cavorting with the ladies and spending his money like it was going out of style.

He found his face splattered on the front pages of America's supermarket tabloids such as Just Saying and Say What?

Gosselin actually believed that he had become a sex symbol and that women were drawn to him because of his amazing good looks.

But as ex-wife Kate Gosselin's boyfriend Steven Tyler of American Idol pointed out Jon Gosselin is as sexy as a used Kleenex. He went on to add that a raisin has more personality than Jon does.

Tyler is amazed at the fact that Jon could even attract a girlfriend since according to Kate his 'little Jon' measures right at 3 inches.

But as the saying goes Mr.Gosselin was able to wine and dine the girls not by dazzling them with brilliance but by baffling them with bullshit.

Jon did not realize that the only reason that these good-looking women had anything to do with him at all was because of the fact that he was a celebrity; a third rate one but a celebrity nonetheless.

And so the opportunistic young women stayed around and enjoyed seeing their swimsuit bikini-clad likenesses plastered on the supermarket tabloids right along with Jon's.

And this continued for a while up until Jon realized that he had run out of money. And once he ran out of money all of the sweet, little, sexy, starved-for-attention darlings that had gravitated to him simply said adios and left for greener pastures [i.e.] guys with money.

And so now Jon has been forced to live, sad to say, in what basically amounts to a storage unit. He shares his simple quaint abode with various types of insects, dust, and lint.

He has had his car repossessed along with his washer and dryer. They have also repossessed his refrigerator, his stove, his secondhand accordion, his Jackie Chan Bobblehead Doll Collection, and most of his clothes.

Jon recently lost his job as a security guard because he was caught sleeping on the job. He told his supervisor that he was merely resting his eyes for a few moments, but the surveillance video clearly showed Jon sitting in a chair asleep for a total of four hours and 53 minutes.

According to Bedroom Pillow Talk Jon called up his ex-wife Kate and asked her for a loan. Right away Kate reminded him that he still owed her over $4,000 in back child-support.

She told him that what he needs to do is call up his ex-girlfriends and ask them to loan him the money because her name is Kate Gosselin and not The First National Bank of Reading.

In other news. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has said that the reason she has put on so much weight lately is because of all the foreign food she is eating. She said that for some reason non-American food seems to have much more potent calories than American food.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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