Written by Ellis Ian Fields
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Topics: BBC, Sir Alan Sugar

Tuesday, 13 December 2011

image for Young Apprentice 'Tragedy For English Language'
A likely-looking young apprentice type.

An A-level student with 'wisdom beyond her years' has been crowned the BBC's Young Apprentice 2011.

Zara Brownless, 16, won the accolade by impressing Lord Sugar with her online video game Piggy Panic.

He told her: "You are calm, articulate and you look to be in control of your emotions, which is a good thing when you're in business."

But the programme has been slammed by one academic for mutilating the English language.

"My God! What are they teaching the kids at school these days?" demanded Prof Aloycius St Bleagh, head of English and Posh Talking at the University of Thames Valley East.

"I watched that programme every week and was subjected to endless piles of marketing speak and boardroom gobbledy-gook.

"These children are at school and, one would hope, still learning English. But here they were, spouting nonsense about 'aspirational,' 'creating footfall,' 'mindsets' and all the other guff I thought it took brainless twits years to learn in the office environment.

"Clearly I was wrong. It's a tragedy for the English language."

Prof St Bleagh added, however, that he was glad Zara beat her opponent James McCullagh: "Didn't you just want to batter the young smart-arse in the face with wet haddock? And that accent - don't get me going on that accent!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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