Winners of this year's X-Factor and Simon Cowell's new banking machine, or "Little Micks", as the four-girl group prefers to be known, have been revealed as love children of the entire X-Factor judging panel and more.
Jade Thirlwall, who speaks a very strange language requiring a Jeordie-English dictionary or the loan of Sir Stephen Hawking's voice machine to be understood, is the child of fellow English language-strangler, Cheryl Cole.
Jesy Nelson, who sadly can't spell her own name, is built like an outdoor sh*t house and has a consistent droopy look on her face, can clearly be seen to be the daughter of Louis Walsh.
Selena Gomezis, the one with the b*st*rd of a haircut, is the daughter of Kelly Rowland.
Perrie Edwards, can be seen to share the identical quite attractive facial features of Tramp Stamp Tulisa, although she hasn't quite mastered the art of pointing her elbow to the camera during a song and shouting in her best Bob Geldof voice "buy my crappy perfume NOW, it needs your vote".
All four girls also exhibit the Simon Cowell teeth, further proving the relationship with the judges.
Speaking after the discovery, Dermot O'Leary, host of the show said: "Calls may cost considerably more from a mobile phone and if you do phone after the lines close, despite the high technology, you will still be charged because that's one of the ways the X-Factor cons the public, aside from ensuring Little Mix won in the first place, so you really needn't have bothered voting in the first place after all."