Written by IainB
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Sunday, 11 December 2011

image for Gene Simmons only thinks he has had sex with over four thousand women
Shannon's disguise during Simmons's 'Rooney' phase

Legendary womaniser and guitarist with legendary rock group Kiss, Gene Simmons, has claimed that he has slept with four and a half thousand women over his legendary forty year rock career.

"At his height," said former manager, Hans Christian Andersen, "Gene was sleeping with three women a night. That obviously tailed off as his need for blue diamond shaped pills increased."

Kiss, who were named after the popular abbreviation, Keep it Simples Sergei, toured the world and in every port, Gene believed he picked up women who would then sleep with him.

"There was only ever one woman," said Shannon Tweed, Gene's wife. "That was me."

According to Gene Simmons's wife, Shannon, she would follow him around the world, and then let herself be picked up in bars by her husband.

"I would wear different wigs, vary my make up and stuff," she said. "I knew Gene was a bit of a womaniser, and I like a bit of role play, so I figured I could combine the two, and stop him from sleeping around."

Gene Simmons was unavailable for comment, but a close friend, Phil Andre, said that Gene was 'shocked' and 'appalled' at the news that he has only ever had sex with one woman, and that was his wife.

"Somebody told him that with his money, he should be a philanthropist," said Phil Andre. "I don't think he knew what that meant."

Shannon first let Gene pick her up when she was just fifteen, but fortunately in Louisiana where they have a very relaxed view about sex, girls and the whole legality issue. Over the next twenty years, Gene continued to pick her up.

"I'd even pretend to be Chinese, or black," said Shannon. "Most of the time he was too wasted to notice."

With the revelation of Gene's lack of infidelity, Tom Jones has regained the crown as the biggest womaniser in music. Although, his wife of fifty-five years, Melinda, may have a surprise in store for him.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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