Written by Jean Le Fete
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Tuesday, 13 December 2011

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Rolling Stones will gather no Moss This Tour

London - On the heels of a meeting between Keith Richards and Mick Jagger, the Rolling Stones have announced plans for their 50th Anniversary World tour.

The aging duo of Jagger and Richards met for several hours today plotting out how to best celebrate the band's 50th Anniversary. "We've bin tryin' t find a way we kin do things differently yer know," said Richards, "Were all f'kin' old as Moses and we don't fancy all the different stops no more. So we've decided to let the people come to us."

"Yes," said Jagger, "We've decided in the U.S. for example, we will only play two different cities, but we'll be in each for a month. Mountain Home,Arkansas for one month and Needles,California. We want to do something different. Now in each of these locations we will build a venue that each town can keep to use for future concerts and events. In Needles we've purchased the El Garces Hotel/Santa Fe Depot and will build on a large auditorium."

When reached for comment the Mayor of Needles said, "The Rolling what? We got kidney stones, sandstones, granite stones and hyroglithic stones, but the only rolling stones are in avalanches. As to the new theater, I'd welcome that, but I'm not sure who would come to fill it. Are they famous or something?"

Sweet Home is a census designated place (CDP) in Pulaski County, Arkansas, United States. Its population was 849 at the 2010 census. Its' Mayor is Angela Merkle, age 65, has heard of the Rolling Stones, "I'm a big fan, and of course I kinda like that there song "Angie". We have a little music theater here, but it onlys seats about 50...that's not going to be enough is it."

Rolling Stones tour company, Debauchery INC, has front men on their way to negotiate land purchases and start on plans for building the venues at both locations. "They'll be small, relatively", said Miles Pernoble, "I mean 1000 seats is more people than live these towns and and add a couple thousand fans, and hotels will have to be built too, so this should be an economic boom for both of these towns."

"Its nothing against Chicago, or New York ind the Madison Square Garden's," said Mick, "But we've 'ad all that and even some nice theaters and... and..." (forgets his train of thought) "And some nice whores," laughs Richards, "We don't remember them either, but we still pay the child support. Don't forget who travels with us now. We have full time doctors, surgeons, pharmacists, for legal drugs, not like the old days. Its' a 'ell of a lot easier to set them up in one or two places. Not to mention easier to find them or for them to find us if we wander off with alzheimers," both laugh.

The tour is expected to start, or rather stop for its first month in June 2012 in Arkansas, then continue to Needles in August.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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