Written by Roy Turse
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Thursday, 8 December 2011

image for Scientists extract DNA from last year's X-Factor and implant it into Amelia Lily to ensure 2011 win

UK technical boffins have admitted to extracting the DNA from the last series of X-Factor in a laboratory in London, and then implanting it into embryonic pop star Amelia Lily, one of this year's finalists. In a procedure reminiscent of Jurassic Park, where dinosaur DNA is extracted from a prehistoric specimen and used to re-create a living animal, DNA from a range of previous acts is now known to have been administered to one of the final three competitors.

Amelia Lily had been dropped from the contest at an earlier stage, but was brought back, reportedly because she was the only gene-matched potential recipient after Frankie Cocozza was sacked.

According to witnesses, white-coated brainiacs at Syco, the X-Factor production company, harvested DNA samples from last year's finalists during the live tour. There were no complaints as all contestants have to sign away the ownership of their physiology as a condition of entry to the competition. The samples were then spliced together and subsequently administered intravenously to Amelia Lily. Amelia suffered a slight throat reaction due to the procedure, but is now expected to easily win the competition.

As soon as news of the procedure became known, HMV released Amelia Lily's X-Factor winner's single, several days before anyone had voted.

When interviewed, Amelia Lily was quite honest about the advice she was being given. "The Matt Cardle in me is saying to be true to myself - keep the raunchy rock style and don't succumb to the excessive use of autotune that everyone expects. My Rebecca Ferguson thinking is that I have to be true to myself, even if that means I don't win. And the One Direction side of my personality is telling me to be true to myself, give well over 100%, and make sure I hit those higher notes - or they are sure to autotune me."

Meanwhile, Simon Cowell commented that all he had asked was that someone should inject some life into this year's X-Factor.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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