Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 7 December 2011

image for The Real Reason Why "30 Rock's" Alec Baldwin Got His Butt Kicked Off A Los Angeles To New York Flight
The American Airlines jet plane that Alec Baldwin was taken off of.

LOS ANGELES - Fifty-three-year-old Alec Baldwin the star of television's 30 Rock says that he has never before been kicked off of an airplane flight.

He spoke with Ty Tickler of Hollywood Innuendo and told him that he had gotten kicked off of a Norwegian cruise ship several years ago for repeatedly yelling "Iceberg!" and once when he was 9 he had gotten kicked off of a carnival Ferris wheel for spitting pink cotton candy at other Ferris wheel riders.

But he said that getting kicked off of American Airlines flight 77893401 was a first for him. He said that the flight attendant Sally Aurora Corkmeister, 37, tried to say that the reason he was asked to exit the plane was because he was playing Zynga's Words With Friends game and she noticed that he had made a very vulgar word.

When Tickler asked Baldwin what the alleged word was he refused to say noting that he never made the word because he was never even playing the game.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: According to two flight attendants, six passengers, and the co-pilot Baldwin was in fact playing Zynga and did in fact make a vulgar five-letter word that begins with a "p" and ends with a "y".]

Flight attendant Corkmeister told the media that the real reason why Mr. Baldwin was kicked off the plane was because when he was asked to put the game away he started singing the Al Qaeda National Anthem, "Hail To Our Beloved Two-Humped Camels."

Miss Corkmeister said she asked Mr. Baldwin very politely to please stop singing that song because it was a terrorist song and airline rules strictly prohibit the singing of any terrorist songs while a passenger is sitting inside an airline airplane.

She stated that Baldwin told her that this was America and he could sing whatever effen song he wanted to. The co-pilot intervened and told him that he did not want him singing the song because he was pitchy as hell and it was hurting the other passengers ears.

At that point Baldwin remarked that he did not give a flying F about the other passengers. And suddenly several of the passengers started shouting "USA! USA! USA!"

The co-pilot, identified as Rusty "The Pigeon" Tickerwick, Jr. told Mr. Baldwin that he was going to stop the engines and have him escorted off of the plane.

Baldwin told him that he was an American and that he was not getting off the plane. By now the sky marshal had gotten out of his seat and told Baldwin that he was going to place him in handcuffs.

Baldwin laughed and told him that he was a famous celebrity who appears on the hit show 30 Rock and there was no way that a simple sky marshal was going to treat him as if he was a common Occupy Wall Street protester.

Baldwin said that he was not budging.

The sky marshal asked him to comply with his instructions or he would get tasered.

Baldwin looked at him and told him that sky marshals do not carry tasers.

Pzzzzzt! Pzzzzzt!

Baldwin fell to the floor and started shaking about like a flounder out of water. He then hollered out like Oprah Winfrey, "JUS-TIN-BIE-BER! DAM-MIT DAT HURRRRRTS!"

The sky marshal, the co-pilot, and a female wrestler then dragged Alec Baldwin off of the plane.

In other news. The Central American country of Nicaragua has decided not to invade Germany because it is too close to the Christmas season.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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