WEST HOLLYWOOD - Britney Spears recently hit the big 3-Oh. And she says that she does not feel a day over 40.
The blonde singer who is perhaps best noted for being the most infamous lip syncer in the music industry celebrated with her fiancé Jason "El Dude" Trawick and kids at a local Lips of The Dastardly Dragon Chinese Restaurant in West Hollywood.
Spears has really seen and done a lot during her music career. It really seems like it was just yesterday that she was singing the famous M-I-C-K-E-Y song as a member of the super sugarcoated Mickey Mouse Club.
And then when she grew up and out she began dating Justin "The Player" Timberlake. Britney recently revealed to Fajita San Guacamole of Hollywood Innuendo that Justy gave her, her very first kiss, her very first second base experience, and her very first hickey.
And as she became more famous the "Oops!...I Did It Again" girl shared a French kiss with the much, much older Madonna. Britney later confessed to iRumors reporter Vodka Vermicelli that having Madonna French kiss her was like the Indian Ocean; it was wet, and salty, but it was really no big deal.
And then Britney went through her upskirt stage, where every time she came out of a car she had to show the paparazzi that she was not wearing any panties.
Spears still holds the Internet record for having her hairless playpen (crotch cookie) viewed by more people than have actually viewed the Mona Lisa.
Britney finally admitted that at first she did it on a dare from her ex-boyfriend Justin Timberlake but that after that she started doing it because she realized that deep down inside she was simply a shameless "PT."
[EDITOR'S NOTE: It rhymes with "Hick Geezer."]
Britney married, got unmarried, got married, got pregnant twice, got divorced, and shaved her head in a fit of rage due to the fact that she looked in a hand held mirror and saw that she had some split ends.
"Brittle," as her hair stylist FuFi Fondue calls her, has entered into rehab a total of three times. Once for an out-of-control addiction to oatmeal raisin cookies, once for taking a red magic marker and connecting most of the dots on her body, including the dozens located on her bikini taco.
And the third time she went in because she truly felt that Vice-President Joe Biden was sending her subliminal messages through cheeseburgers, implying that he wanted for her to have his vampire baby and name it after his boss Barry.
But now it looks like Britney Spears is on the road to making a comeback. She has been booked to appear on episodes of Modern Family, Cupcake Wars, Swamp People, and The Real Housewives of Intercourse, Pennsylvania.
POSTSCRIPT: Britney recently told iRumors that the story about her having a tattoo with Charlie Sheen's name in the back of her throat is positively false.