Written by Skoob1999
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Sunday, 27 November 2011

image for Worthing Love God Alf Starling Does Double Date With Stacey Solomon And Tulisa Off X Factor In Dorking
Sorted Mate Innit! Alf On His Way To The Pub Yesterday

Although it does seem highly improbable, and possibly completely unreadable, it appears that real life is often stranger than fiction.

Especially on this website.

104 year old Alf Starling, of Worthing, a viagra 20 a day man, was allegedly seen in the West End of London on a double date with Stacey Solomon, who was once on the X Factor, but who really made a name for herself on I'm A Celebrity - Get Me Out Of Here, and Tulisa Contostavlos, out of N-Dubz, who is still on the X Factor, as a judge. And apparently knows Dappy quite well.

Whoever Dappy is.

N-Dubz are famous for singing something or other, whereas Stacey Solomon is famous for being a bit dappy, and coming from Essex, and being quirkily attractive in a sort of Barbra Streisand way.

Starling - the world renowned Casanova type Lothario, who has a Chinese tattoo on his inner forearm, which is supposed to say, 'I'm Not Just A Lover, I'm A Fighter Too' but which when translated by Burnley chip shop owner, Jim Wing, originally from Hong Kong, actually translates as 'Look At Me, I'm A Proper Knobhead, And I'm As Soft As Shit' - has recently been spotted out and about on the town with a bevy of international beauties.

Usually, but not always in Worthing.

Tulisa, out of N-Dubz and X Factor, explained that even at 104 years of age, Alf Starling was a more attractive dating proposition than fellow X Factor judge, Louis Walsh.

"You know where you stand with Alf," Tulisa said. "And the viagra sort of emphasises the point. And not being a homosexual helps."

Ditzy Stacey, pregnant with her second child, loves Alf. "Because he's Alfie innit and ain't nobody does it better."

Although she emphatically denies that Alf is the father of the impending infant.

"That'd just be daft wouldn't it," she chuckled. "He's a hundred and four years old for Gawd's sake!"

Alf Starling was keeping tight lipped about his explosive double date, and apparently saving his energy for next week's big night at Worthing's Embassy bingo hall.

Where he is due to escort Michelle Keegan off Coronation Street, and Sharon Osbourne off the Osbournes on MTV.

"I'm keeping that to meself," Alf grinned. "Can't be giving away trade secrets. Everybody'd be at it if I spilled the beans, and I have plans for spilling my beans. If you get what I mean..."

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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