Written by IainB
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Friday, 25 November 2011

image for Leveson Enquiry to be made into a film
Susan Boyle's lookalike prepares to give evidence

The Leveson Enquiry, the enquiry into the phone hacking scandal, is to be made into a major Hollywood Blockbuster for release in 2014.

"It will be massive," said Steve Spielberg, who has been asked to produce the movie. "We have a few teething issues to overcome before we can even start filming."

The first teething issue is that the Leveson Enquiry has not finished yet, and shows no sign in slowing down, never mind reaching a point where the script writers can get their teeth into it.

"We have some sketched out ideas," said Spielberg. "Mainly about the background, as we have all that story."

There are further problems, but Spielberg hopes that they can be overcome.

"Casting could be a major headache," said Spielberg. "I've been in touch with sixteen casting agencies and they've all said the same."

According to Star Chasers, London's premier casting agency, there are simply not enough celebrities who are not involved in the Leveson Enquiry to play the celebrities involved in the Leveson Enquiry.

"It's a headache, for sure," said Loretta Chase, team leader at Star Chasers. "Who can we get to play Hugh Grant? Colin Firth for irony? Well, tough, he's also in the Leveson Enquiry. We've got this same problem wherever we turn. I've been down the Z-List and it turns out that just about all of them had their phones bugged. People's who's only claim to fame was being thrown off Big Brother first, or were Susan Boyle's look-a-like or who won Come Dine With Me."

Spielberg isn't giving up hope.

"I'm not giving up hope," said Spielberg. "I have a plan. In a neat ironic twist, I'm going to get ordinary people who have never been in the news to play the celebrities. Granted, this will then make them famous, and they'll then be followed around by the press, but if we make a sequel, it means we'll have a whole new set of people to focus on."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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