Written by Proffitt
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Thursday, 24 November 2011

image for Katie Price - Leveson Enquiry
Another type of wax treatment

Katie Price, aka Jordan (the mahoosive breasted lover of geeky Greek men and lingerie wearing cage fighters) today started giving evidence about her experiences relating to UK press ethics.

Price aimed her criticisms clearly at the now defunct News of the World saying: 'When I was married to me Pete, 'pappers' from the NoW would follow us everywhere just to get pictures an all.'

When one lady on the panel pointed out that this was their job Ms Price said: 'I know luv, it wasn't the fact they were taking pics that bovered me it was the pics vay chose to print! Vay wernt me good side an didn't show enough tit, if ya know what I mean.'

The puzzled panel then sought clarification regarding Ms Price and her being in front of them today. She replied: 'I know vay have a job to do, but when I show em some cleavage or spread me legs for a cheecky flash they print a bloody pic of Pete or Harv; I mean wots va point of me getting me tits and me badger out if they aint gonna print it?'

Ms Price went on to mention how on that occasion she was trying to promote her new line in bikini waxing which she had decided to call 'The Spanish.' 'Because they failed to show pics of me badger I reckons it cost me a small fortune in lost revenue,' she said.

One member of the panel asked why it was called a 'Spanish?' 'Well, it's nothing ta do with va omlett if vats wot yer thinking, where the part Brazilian is vertical me 'Spanish' wax leaves a horizontal strip.' Ms Price explained, ', its like a person sunbathing on a Spanish holiday - horizontal like.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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