Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 20 November 2011

image for Steven Tyler Reveals An Intimate Secret About Him and Kate Gosselin
Kate Gosselin says she loves her May-December relationship with Steven Tyler. (Photo by Ryan Seacrest).

READING, Pennsylvania - Kate Gosselin recently stated that she had never been more depressed than when her cable show Kate Plus 8 recently got cancelled.

Gosselin told Fajita San Guacamole of Hollywood Innuendo that she was so devastated when she got the news of the cancellation that she literally did not eat for three days.

She said that she did drink Diet Dr. Peppers, Sprite Zeros, and a few Corona Light Beers but no food.

Kate said she lost seven pounds and she had to end up buying some brand new panties because her old ones would not stay up and on a couple of occasions when she was wearing a skirt she looked down and noticed that they were resting on her ankles.

She said that she tried to hide her depression from her eight kids but they all realized that something was going on. She said that Cara, 11, asked her if she was feeling depressed because she was thinking of their father (Jon) and how badly she had mistreated him.

Kate grinned and replied "Hell no!"

Hannah, 7, then asked her if she was still upset about getting kicked off of Dancing With The Stars and she shook her head no.

And 7-year-old Kevin asked her if she was sad because of the new cellulite that had just recently appeared on her upper thighs. Kate suddenly turned as red as a Pittsburgh fire truck. She got up from her favorite living room chair and ran to the bathroom to take a look.

About ten minutes later, Kate called up her boyfriend American Idol Judge Steven Tyler in Los Angeles and arranged to meet him in Topeka, Kansas.

The eight kids will stay with Kate's nanny, Mindy Lulu Lickenfeister who was recently named The Best Nanny in The Keystone State (Pennsylvania).

Tyler recently told Kiowa Kettle of Tittle Tattle Tonight that he is absolutely smitten by Kate Gosselin whom he calls Kate The Great because as he puts it, "The woman is positively fantabulous in the bedroom department."

Steven told Miss Kettle that ever since he and Kate have been dating that he has learned what makes her happy. He has found which buttons to push to bring a smile to her face, and he has even discovered the infamous G-Spot, which Kate admits she used to think she was missing.

Tyler decided to surprise KatGo, as he calls her, by telling her that they would each be getting tattoos.

He would get a tattoo with her initials "KG" and she would get a tattoo with his initials "ST."

When Kate asked where he had decided that the tattoos would go "Lips," as Tyler is known, replied that the "KG" tattoo would be located right below his belly button and that the initials "ST" would be put on her labia majora.

Steven Tyler is 63. Kate Gosselin is 36. And Mindy Lulu Lickenfeister is 42.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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