Written by Lyndon
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Friday, 11 November 2011

image for Due to Twitter embarrassment, CBS to downsize to 'One and a Half Men'
Before handing over his Twitter account to a production agency like an adult child, Kutcher tweeted, "Me want bedtime story."

HOLLYWOOD, Calif.--Just when you thought their troubles were over, the producers of Two and a Half Men are once again ripping the hair out of their skulls due to a Tweet Ashton Kutcher made in support of recently fired Penn State coach Joe Paterno.

After ridding themselves of the enigma that was Charlie Sheen, the popular sitcom could actually spin a sequel to its drama called Enigma 2--the Coming of Ashton.

Executive producer Chuck Lorre announced today that the season nine would come to an abrupt end with a series finale. A spin-off entitled One and a Half Men, starring John Cryer and Angus T. Jones, is currently on the fast track.

"These one and a half men have done a great job," said Lorre, "so why fuck it up by adding an asshole?"

Although Sheen was thought to have written the book on getting canned from a cushy, high-paying job by insulting his boss, boozing and snorting on the job, and openly dating porn stars and living with two women, Ashton Kutcher decided to add Appendix A: Publically cheating on your wife, and Appendix B: Protesting the firing of an individual who didn't do enough to stop the exploitation of children.

Kutcher's wife, Demi Moore, who had requested that Kutcher be moved out of their house by Christmas, has now upped the date to Veteran's Day, or, well, today.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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