Written by Shrave
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Thursday, 10 November 2011

image for The Dalai Lama's World of Warcraft Account May Be Cancelled
The Dalai Lama's first character who punched a fellow WoWer

For 99% of RPG players, the story is the same: obtaining quests, journeying into the unknown, completing extraordinarily mundane tasks, slaying any jerks along the way, gaining experience points to level up and having nerd conversations with the only friends you have, online. For some, however, this concept is not so simple, like the Dalai Lama who seems to have gotten it backwards.

A couple of weeks ago, the Dalai Lama changed the face of Azeroth, the world in World of Warcraft. Armed with a walking stick, boots of the shining and rags of a commoner, the Dalai Lama's World of Warcraft character, a level 1 paladin, walked up to a band of computer-controlled orcs. In an effort to show solidarity with the other race, the character immediately unequipped his stick and typed, "Hello," into the World of Warcraft server, hoping the orcs would respond with their own respective "Hello" grunt. Little did the Dalai Lama realize these computer-controlled orcs have no way of reciprocating and were pre-programmed to attack any non-orc race, even if that race believed in world peace.

The entire incident was witnessed by a group of newbie rogues who were watching from behind the bushes as they did not want to interfere because they were newbies.

It is rumored that none of the Dalai Lama's characters have made it passed level 1. Back in August, he created a Dwarven priest class, but he soon dumped it in shame after accidentally punching a rival player. Then in September, he created an Elven warlock class, which he soon realized had the word 'war' in it so he deleted the character. The paladin is his longest lasting character; he created it in early October, but still has not managed to gain any experience points.

His paladin's death has inspired a great following. After the Dalai's character re-spawned, characters from across the world began to follow him on his journey to make peace in Azeroth. "We protect him," said a real AzN gamer. "If the Dalai Lama gets into trouble we use the glyph of warding spell to block off all attacks on him. Then we just kill them all. He doesn't agree with it but he's too passive to stop us. We love him and we'll keep fighting for him."

The makers of the game, Blizzard, have questioned the Dalai Lama's motives. "The Lama is going against all that we've built for the last several years!" said lead designer of the game, Tom Chilton. "The addiction of killing your inferiors and leveling up is what keeps gamers coming back, but this Ghandi idiot comes along and ruins it! We are looking into legal ways to cancel his account for breaking the unspoken rules of WoW!"

When asked how he feels about being slighted by Blizzard, the Dalai Lama ignored the question and said, "I can't wait for the expansion pack! They are adding a new monk class!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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