Written by Skoob1999
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Wednesday, 9 November 2011

image for Shocking Survey Result - Most People Use The Internet To Access Porn
Shuttlecock Sweeping The Steps On The Scoreboard End At Old Trafford

As shocking as it may be, exhaustive survey results have revealed that the vast majority of internet users only use the facility to access internet pornography. It appears that in this enlightened day and age, the casual observer would rather watch somebody else having it off than actually take the time and trouble to do it themselves.

"It's just too much hassle," one subscriber said. "I can't be arsed with all this getting down and dirty with a woman. What's the point? You can just do it virtually - and it doesn't involve sweating, nagging, or pies. These days I just watch other people doing it and it saves on all the hassle afterwards. Including bagging and labelling the swarf."

Feminists reacted angrily to the claims by sexist males with claims that most males are insecure about - and obsessed by - their penile dimensions.

"They all go mad about that," one said. "But the truth is that it's only the bottom inch that counts - because that's how a lady gets her fancy tickled. It's all about clitoral stimulation. But most blokes are utterly clueless and wouldn't recognise a clitoris if it jumped off a bus and headbutted them in the face."

Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, told reporters that sex isn't really such a big deal, providing it's done correctly. His long suffering wife, Anne, differed somewhat with the populist view, saying that Shuttlecock may well have a big dick, but it'll never provide him with an income, because he has no idea how to use it.

Long suffering wife, Anne said:

"Ignore the barmy bastard. He's taking the piss again."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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