Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 8 November 2011

image for Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves Speeding In The Fast Lane Towards Romanceville!
Sandra Bullock at 47, can still wear skirts that high school girls wear. (Photo by Pico de Gallo).

WEST HOLLYWOOD - It finally appears that after being on one of the longest roller coaster rides in recent memory Sandra Bullock may have finally found some semblance of normality.

The woman who last year divorced one of the most tattooed alley cats in America (i.e. Jesse James) says that she thinks that she has finally found the guy to make all her stress, heartbreak, and depression go away.

The Austin native told Pico de Gallo of Tittle Tattle Tonight that she recently went out to dinner and line dancing with Keanu Reeves and the two had so much fun that she swears it would probably be illegal in Wisconsin, Arizona, and Alaska.

De Gallo asked her to explain and Sandra just smiled and said that she was just being flip. She said that the reason why she mentioned those three states was because all have recently named her ex-husband Jesse "Shithead" James as an honorary citizen.

When she was asked why, the petite actress replied, "I think that it has something to do with the fact that he hires non-union workers, he hates piƱatas, and he loves hunting Moose in his underwear."

De Gallo noted that Bullock and Reeves first starred together in the film Speed back in 1993. They then appeared in the three sequels, Speed 2: Cruise Control, Speed 3: Effen Speed Bumps From Hell, and Speed 4: Road Rage Up The Wazoo.

Bullock was asked what it is about Keanu that she finds appealing. She smiled and said that she loves the fact that he has never, not even once, remarked about her being flat chested.

She giggled and said that he told her that he has been with dozens of women who had big breasts but that there was really nothing else that caught his attention other than their quintessential crotch regions of course.

Another thing that Sandra says she loves about Reeves is the fact that he bought her 22-month-old adopted son Louis his very own live baby giraffe.

Sandra says that she keeps it in the backyard of her Austin mansion along with the hippopotamus that Meryl Streep gave her this past Valentine's Day.

Pico de Gallo stated that after seeing Sandra Bullock go through so much unhappiness it is great to finally see the woman who is known as "The Kissing Bandit" hooking up with Keanu Reeves and traveling in the fast lane at a high rate of speed towards Romanceville.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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