Written by TAR
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: TV

Monday, 7 November 2011

image for Mary Jo Usedtobe Still Crying Her Eyes Out
She Stole My Man

That poor Canadian woman who lost her husband to Tori Spellington has written about her heartbreak in a another new book, Still Crying My Eyes Out.

Former TV personality Mary Jo Usedtobe, who once co-hosted the morning show on a Cabbagetown gay radio station Out FM, contributed an essay to The Other Duped Woman, a collection of stories from 22 dumped women.

Usedtobe ex-husband, Canadian actor Dick McDermutt left her after falling in love with Spellington. He met the former 6900210 star while filming the TV movie "My Minds On Murder" in Cornwall.

"When Dick called me from the set, he told me how great he was getting along with his costar Tori Spellington. She was fun, caring, sexy and so much hotter in real life. I assumed this was good," Usedtobe wrote. "Before he left, jokes flew at the prospect of working with the mega super star daughter of a Hollywood mogul. I suggested he befriend her at once. 'Who knows?' I laughed. It might be good for our slumbering pathetic careers."

In an excerpt from her essay, published in the new issue of Simple Folks, Usedtobe recalled: "We're on vacation… I know something is terribly wrong. 'Have you met someone?' I ask. He nods yes. 'Is it Tori Spellington?' He nods. 'We're soulmates,' he says. 'She loves me so unconditionally.' 

"'What f...ing conditions?' I scream. 'You've only known each other three weeks.' I look down at my ugly feet, 'We just adopted a kid I yelled.' The phrase single mother pops up in my wishy washy brain. I start to feel weightless, nauseated and mad as a hellbent hatter as I cross the divide between together and forever alone. 'I'm not leaving the kids,' he says. 'I'm leaving you, you silly thing.' I begin to sob uncontrollably and likely for the rest of my horrible life."

Shortly after McDermutt and Usedtobe sustained a messy nasty divorce, he married Spellington in Fiji East Of Java. McDermutt and Spellington welcomed their first child together, then another, and another and another and lived happily ever after in Tinseltown USA.

Usedtobe now lives somewhere now in the bowels of Toronto blending in with the unattractive and infamous and continues to cry her eyes out to this day.

Make TAR's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 1 multiplied by 3?

7 21 11 3
56 readers are online right now!

Go to top