LOS ANGELES - Lindsay "The Luckiest Girl in The World" Lohan has gotten off Scot free yet again.
According to Hollywood Innuendo's Fajita San Guacamole, the much-troubled, highly-misunderstood, Tinsel Town starlet was released from The Zsa Zsa Gabor Prison For Women after only serving 5 hours of a 30-day jail sentence due to what was described as "Prison Overcrowding."
So basically as noted author Portifino Crispinton, III, who has written a dozen books on prisons and prisoners, stated the warden at ZZG just decided that he has no cell available for Miss Lohan.
Miss San Guacamole spoke with the warden, who refused to give his name, and asked him why he had decided to release the Hollywood actress when he had thousands of other female convicts that he could have released in her place instead.
The warden shook his head and told Miss San Guacamole that he did not tell her how to dot her I's and cross her T's and that she was not going to tell him how to run his prison.
He pointed a finger in her face and told her that the issue was now a 'non-issue' and he considered it to be closed and not open for debate.
He noted that if she or anyone else wants to debate stuff then they need to join the ranks of the GOP presidential candidates and debate until the cows come home, which he said, that now due to Daylight Savings Time is about 6:30ish, California time.
The prison warden who has since been identified as Noah Westbunker by American Idol's Ryan Seacrest, remarked that he resents the insinuations that he is giving Miss Lohan preferential treatment simply because she is a stunningly, sultry, sexy starlet (the warden's words verbatim).
Warden Westbunker also wanted to make it perfectly clear that the hickey on his neck was put there by a young woman from Avocado Heights that he dated a few days ago.
He said that he had met the unnamed, tantalizingly buxom woman at The Third Base Comedy Club in West Hollywood and that she had given him the hickey and not "LiLo" Lohan as someone within his prison system had erroneously and maliciously suggested.
Westbunker was again asked why he did not just release some other female inmate and let Miss Lohan take her place. He became extremely irate, kicked over a trash can, slammed a desk drawer, and he bit three number two yellow pencils in half.
He placed his hand on his .44 pistol and told Miss San Guacamole that he and only he runs the prison and that he does not and will not listen to anyone trying to dictate prison policy to him and that goes for the likes of opinionated Hollywood big mouths like Jack Nicholson, Bill Cosby, and Elisabeth Hasselbeck.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: I have said this before, but it certainly bears repeating. Lindsay Lohan needs to start buying lottery tickets because with her UNBELIEVABLY AMAZING luck the flaky bitch is liable to win the big one.]