Written by Skoob1999
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Wednesday, 9 November 2011

image for Johnny Robinson - Beaten But Unbowed On X-Factor
I Don't Believe It!

That's all folks. Johnny Robinson, the slightly effeminate yet absolutely charming gentleman, favourite of gay British satirists was finally voted off the X-Factor this evening. Voted off in favour of somebody with ripped fishnets and a hairy face.

Upon being voted off, heroic Johnny thanked the judges for appreciating him for who he is. Amply demonstrating that he's more of a man than most men will ever be. Even if he does walk a bit funny.

Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, himself a transvestite and person of extremely loose morals, but who can function alongside gay people without necessarily having a coronary infarction was too distraught to comment.

Most impartial observers described Johnny's eviction from the crap TV show as 'a travesty.'

"There's no justice in the fucking world!" Colonel Juan raged. "To throw Johnny off the show is an outrage. His version of The Righteous Brothers' 'Unchained Melody' was pitch perfect. I'd complain about the result, but the thing is, I had a ginger tom cat follow me home last night after a boozy evening at EIF News, and it's just sitting beside me and purring like a good un."

Spoof reporter armfeetandtoe emphasised that although Johnny's dismissal from X-Factor was a tragedy, of Shakespearean tragi-comedic proportions, there's always room in Skoob's attic for more tenants.

"It's quite spacious actually," Arm told reporters. "Not bad for a loft, really. I could make room for others - on condition they don't start messing about with me snow leopard and me fruit bats. Having said that though, they'll have to be careful of Skoob/Martin Shuttlecock. He's a bastard when he's been on the piss. Even worse when he hasn't. His Mrs is really nice though, and she makes beautiful gravy..."

EIF reporter, Ellis Ian Fields - the one who complains about bad lighting and sound on crap YouTube videos said that he'd be prepared to help out with the stray cat dilemma, but couldn't promise much more than that.

Speaking from the suburbs of Paris, a man wearing a combat jacket and carrying a live gerbil in a shoulder holster stated that he hadn't actually seen the show, but that he'd look into it, and attempt to correct any miscarriage of justice.

Johnny Robinson was unavailable for comment, but a friend said that the budding star was touched by the love his devoted fans have sent his way.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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