Written by Lyndon
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Saturday, 5 November 2011

image for Biebs tells Beliebers: That can't be my kid--I didn't even have pubic hair then
The Biebs is convinced that the storch must be mistaken

HARFOLD, Vt.--What do Justin Bieber and Herman Cain have in common? They both like pizza and they're currently embroiled in sex scandals.

Whereas Republicans are currently giving Cain the benefit of the doubt, Beliebers at Harfold State College are appearing less likely to beliebe the Biebs.

"Ah duh--he's a popstar," said Martina Cruz, 21, a home economics major. "He's got hot girls like me throwing themselves at him. Like the Biebs could say 'no' to me? Don't think so, honey."

Bieber, responding outside NBC studios this week, said of the allegations, "It's crazy. Crazy and false."

Representatives for the Biebs, however, broke out some SAT vocabulary by saying, "It's tragic that someone would fabricate malicious, defamatory and demonstrably false claims."

Asked by reporters if the claims were also abominable, abhorrent, detestable, and odious, the Biebs replied a tad bit puzzled, "It's just crazy. And false."

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