Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 5 November 2011

image for Cloris Leachman Has Agreed To Host A New Celebrity Cooking Show Called "Cooking With The Celebrity Has-Been's"
Madonna's favorite dish is her Mallard Duck Alfredo Dipped in Bud Light Pot Pie.

LOS ANGELES - The Epitome Network has just announced another in the long line of reality cooking shows and this one is named Cooking With The Celebrity Has-Been's.

This cooking show will be a little bit different from the dozens of others in that it will have a celebrity host who each week will feature a former celebrity who is no longer in the limelight, or a celebrity has-been if you will.

The host of the new show is Cloris Leachman, who is 85-years-old. Leachman appeared on season seven of Dancing With The Stars where she brought down the house in uncontrolled laughter and basically semi-molested the much younger Corky Ballas, 50, who is the father of DWTS dancer Mark Ballas.

Leachman stated that her very first has-been celebrity guest will be Madonna who she said used to be popular until she started appearing on Late Night With David Letterman and began using so many curse words that all of the censor's beeping sounded like one was playing a damn video game.

David said that the show received tens of thousands of emails, text messages, and letters protesting Madonna's vulgar potty mouth.

He confessed that the network executives told him that he better tell mad Madonna to clean up her friggin act or they were going to start looking for his replacement.

Letterman quickly informed them that he would go one better. He told his bosses that he would never again book the vile-spewing material grandmother on his show again.

Also scheduled to appear on upcoming episodes of Cooking With The Celebrity Has-Been's will be Joaquin Phoenix, Billy Bob Thornton, Andrew Dice Clay, The Dixie Chicks, and Gilbert Gottfried who is currently in the witness protection program up in Saskatchewan, Canada.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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