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Saturday, 5 November 2011

image for Johnny Robinson To Duet With Bear Grylls On Tonight's X-Factor
A Classic Example Of Lazy Use Of Images

Leaked reports have it that X-Factor's slightly effeminate contestant, Johnny Robinson is to perform a duet on tonight's show with survivalist and former SAS man Bear Grylls, singing The Troggs' 60's classic 'What the hell's that all about?' track, Wild Thing.

It seems that Johnny - much loved by satirical website TheSpoof.com's writership - will don a camouflage suit, Doc Marten boots, a cravat, and a World War II German helmet complete with night vision goggles, as he parades about the stage crooning the vocals whilst Bear Grylls attempts to join in whilst biting the heads off Amazonian centipedes for protein.

Rumours that Bear will hurl himself off a lighting gantry, high above the studio floor, into a three foot deep pool filled with great white sharks, piranhas, anacondas and Vietnamese leeches whilst wearing a leather type WWI pilot's helmet, goggles and a white silk scarf, using only a slender jungle vine as a safety harness were rubbished by the show's producers.

"It's you bastards again, isn't it?" a security guard challenged Skoob Entertainment News's reporter, Buffty Ginslinger. "Go on. Get out of it. Piss orf! I've told you buggers before. I had enough of you with your bollocks about your Mick McManus wrestling biopic, featuring Alex Reid as Mick McManus and Peter Andre as Jackie 'Mr TV' Pallo, where you said I could shag Jordan. I'm not falling for that bollocks again. Go on! Sod orf!"

Having said that though, Bear Grylls appeared to be up for it.

Johnny Robinson declined to comment.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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