Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 1 November 2011

image for 'Dancing With The Stars' Soccer Star Hope Solo Says She Is Tired of Being Manhandled By Maksim Chmerkovskiy
Hope Solo says that playing soccer is ten times easier than dancing. (Photo courtesy of Rico Chorizo).

HOLLYWOOD - Hope Solo is a very good looking young woman and she is probably also one of the most athletic females to ever appear on Dancing With The Stars.

Solo is one well-conditioned sportswoman who can get down on a soccer field and do her job and do it quite well.

This season on DWTS, she has been paired with the Ukrainian dancer Maksim Chmerkovskiy, who is known as "The Bad Boy of The Ballroom."

Hope says that she appreciates the fact that Maks is a perfectionist, even though he speaks with a very pronounced accent, and that he wants her to do her best and ultimately have a chance at winning the coveted Mirror Ball Trophy on the shows championship finale.

Solo recently spoke candidly with Tahiti Zeppelin of Hollywood Hors D'oeuvres. Hope was doing sit ups as she remarked that she considers herself to be one tough cookie and she can take just about anything, but she added angrily that she has just about had enough of Maks trying to bully her.

She said that bullying her with curse words in English and in Ukrainian is one thing and she can come right back at him with her own well placed words, but she noted that him grabbing her by her hair in a dance hold and yanking her back forcibly or pushing her breasts with extreme force will no longer fly with her.

Hope has said that she is already fed up with the old-as-seaweed English Judge Len Goodman or as she calls him "The Bitter Old White-Haired Dandy."

Miss Solo reveled that Goodman has said that she dances as if she was an NFL defensive lineman. Len also pointed out that she is so darn muscular that she could probably beat up Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony "Oops" Romo and Los Angeles Lakers guard Kobe "Give Me Da Ball" Bryant at the same time.

She quipped that Bruno "The Gaytalian" Tonioli, who she added wears women's underwear which he purchases at Victoria's Secret, does not even try to hide the fact that he has the semi-hots for Maksim.

Hope told Miss Zeppelin that she is quickly running out of patience with everyone on the show except for Host Tom Bergeron who is like an American version of Stan Laurel and would not hurt a fly.

Solo said that Mr. Bergeron is so nice and that every time he sees her he gives her two dollars just out of the blue for no particular reason.

Hope stated that if Mr. Chmerkovskiy thinks that he is going to keep on physically pushing her around and making it seem like he is merely instructing her then his Ukrainian crotch will soon find out just how powerful of a soccer kick she really has.

She did note that she knows that there is no way that Maksim would ever treat any of the other celebrity dancers like Nancy Grace or Ricki Lake like that.

Hope giggled as she said that Grace would sue his Russian butt and Lake would cut him with one of her stiletto heels.

In other news. Michelle Obama says that she has agreed to give half of the Halloween Trick or Treat candy that Sasha and Malia collected to George Lopez so that he can sell it on eBay and make some money to tide him over until he gets a new job.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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