Written by queen mudder
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Monday, 31 October 2011

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Bad Trip: a reviewer reckons the restaurant is a shopfront for Russian espionage

London - The iconic hospitality review site has incurred the wrath of a Central London restaurant by posting the criminal record details of its management.

Staff at La Femme Qui A Faim ('The Hungry Trollop') in Belgravia's Toad In The Hole Street were initially likened to police photofit suspects from a Crimebotch TV probe.

Then the restaurant's front of house meet 'n' greeter was compared to the Number Seven on Interpol's Most Wanted from a $30 million jewel house heist in Paris circa July 1994.

Writing under the Psychedelic Sal Volatile moniker the mystery reviewer said she'd instantly recognised po-faced Gallic midget chef-proprietor Armande La Douche from a hush-hush encounter at an Isle of Dogs STD clinic.

'Only he isn't Armande La Douche, ex-sommelier of Le Bronleur Assoiffé, but notorious Putin hitman Gennady Dumpkoff,' the reviewer commented before executing a successful character assassination of the establishment's signature dish of fried lambs' testicles a la sauce gribiche.

'Should have realised the evening would be a disaster when the snooty maitre d' suggested I had rabbit brains in saffron mousse,' the review continued.

'As a personal insult it was in the gastronomic league, nobody's ever compared my awesome intellect to a furry farmyard pest's noddle.'

The London SW1 restaurant once featured in a whodunnit TV documentary about the Halloween 2006 Plutonium 210 poisoning of KGB/Mossad double agent Alexander Litvinenko.

To date nobody has been charged or prosecuted for turncoat's RIP.

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