Written by Skoob1999
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Sunday, 30 October 2011

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If You Go Down To The Woods Today...

Hollywood scream queen Jamie Lee Curtis has announced that she isn't going out this Halloween. Ms Curtis revealed that a sequence of unfortunate events appear to have dogged her throughout her life, with most occurring on the night of October 31st.

A close friend laid the blame for Ms Curtis's series of mishaps squarely at the door of the film director, John Carpenter.

"Jamie was quietly minding her own business in her hometown of Haddonfield, Illinois, and babysitting for a neighbour, when she was attacked by a machete weilding homicidal maniac wearing a rubber William Shatner mask," Binky Pulitzer, of Haddonfield revealed. "It's happened several times since, and almost always on October 31st. Jamie's just about sick to death of it all, so she won't be going out this Halloween. She told me that she's going to download the series of Friday The 13th movies on her laptop, then lock herself in the garden shed until daylight on November 1st."

Avid movie buff, Betty Swollocks said that she completely understood Ms Curtis's reluctance to venture out on Halloween, given her previous history, adding that she actually preferred the actress's role in Trading Places, in which she takes her top off.

Betty Swollocks, movie buff, housewife, communist and lesbian will be 69 next Tuesday.

More as we get it.

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