Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 29 October 2011

image for Herman Cain Has Agreed To Appear On Gordon Ramsay's "Hell's Kitchen"
A recent photo of Gordon Ramsay's 'Hell's Kitchen.' (Photo by Wolfgang Puck).

TUPELO, Mississippi - Herman Cain brought his I Just Be Chilaxin Bus Tour into Tupelo, Mississippi.

The town located in northern Mississippi is noted for being the place where back in September of 1863, during a Civil War battle, Confederate General Tuscalucius Valdosta, after having his troops accidentally drop a ten-pound cannon ball on his right foot hollered out the now famous Civil War phrase, "Dammit, you mother effen mother effers that hurts like a mother effen mother effer y'all!"

Locals say that General Valdosta was never quite the same after that. He soon left the Confederacy on a medical disability. "Old Cannonballs" took his settlement and opened up one of the first fried chicken restaurants in Tupelo which he named The General Tuscalucius "Old Cannonballs" Valdosta Fried Chicken and Stuff Luncheonette.

Herman Cain was asked about the rumor that he will be appearing on Chef Gordon Ramsay's TV reality show Hell's Kitchen. Cain grinned and said that it was true.

He said that Ramsay had called him up and told him how much he admires what he has done for the pizza industry and invited him to appear on his show to cook some of his award-winning pizza.

Cain asked him if he was going to be a horse's ass and yell and holler at him like he does with all of the people who appear on his show.

"Maybe a little bit." Ramsay replied, "But I will give you the right to hammer me back and say whatever you want and you can call me whatever names you want."

Cain smiled, "So if I want to I can call you a hot-tempered son-of-a-bitch?"


"And I can also call you an out-of-control bastard goon?"


"And can I also call you a potty-mouthed, piece of woodchuck shit, spineless, pompous, sarcastic scumbag?"

"Whoa! Herman, now that's enough fella. You know what? Eff you Cain. I don't think that I want your egotistical, smart-aleck, black ass anywhere near my show you Uncle Ben's Converted Rice looking pizza punk."

Herman Cain started laughing and he told Ramsay to calm himself down. He grinned and told him that he was just funning with him and that he was feeling him out and that he had passed the Herman Cain Can-You-Take-It Test.

Gordon Ramsay started giggling. "Dammit, you got me bro," He said telling him that he did not mean to say that he was pompous.

In other news. 'Dancing With The Stars' Judge Bruno "The Gaytalian" Tonioli has denied that he has a tattoo of Charlie Sheen's name on his back.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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