Written by Asheville Jack
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Friday, 28 October 2011

image for Aerosmith Front Man Steven Tyler Beaten Senseless by Aliens

Steven Tyler, front man for the rock band Aerosmith, claimed in an interview from Asunción Paraguay that he was recently abducted by aliens from outer space. In the interview Tyler claimed that he was sitting on a hotel toilet reading a copy of the Whole Earth Catalog when strange translucent beings appeared before him.

"They were these gray skinned creatures," said Tyler, "skinnier than me, with huge black shiny eyes. They next thing I knew I was being thrown around the room."

Tyler said he tried to put a fight but that he was outnumbered by the little beings who were much too quick for him. "I was able to kick one of them in the nuts, or at least I think it was his nuts," he said, "and the little guy just keeled over. I guess I must have made them angry at that point because that was when they really went to work on me."

Tyler said he blacked out and when he awoke he was laying on a cold metal table being examined by different scary looking beings all of whom resembled Simon Cowell, the America Idol judge from last season.

The Cowell looking creature in charge told him that they needed to examine his larynx, that they needed to be able to build a machine that reproduce his high pitched screaming voice, that if they could the sheer magnitude of decibels would help keep away their galactic enemies, who they called the Jagars.

The translucent beings then told Tyler that their enemies, the Jagars, would have invaded Earth in the 1980's if it weren't for his voice, which they claimed inhibited their enemy's ability to reproduce.

Tyler said the head Cowell creature then head butted him and when he awoke he was lying in his hotel shower in Asunción. "I was missing a tooth and I needed stitches to close a cut above my left eye," said Tyler. "I was just glad to be back, to be honest with you."

Aerosmith's publicist, George Smythe, said that as far as the band was concerned it was just another normal day in the life of Steven Tyler and that the band planned to continue with their South American tour.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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