Written by jd Balderdash
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Monday, 16 January 2006

image for Beyonce: 'Mom, I'm a BIG girl now, stop following me AROUND'
"Mother Knowles", sneaking up behind Beyonce at MTV Photo Shoot

Witnesses say the camel's back was officially snapped when last night at an LA concert Tina Knowles, mother of Beyonce Knowles grabbed the mike from Beyonce and did her own rendition of "Big wheel keep on TURN'n, PROUD Mary Keeps on BURN'n". Tensions between the R&B superstar and her mother have been mounting as "Mother Knowles", Tina, increasingly finds it harder and harder to let go of her baby bird, Beyonce, let her fly free.

"I love my mother" Beyonce told .. but .. Mom? You're NOT Tina Turna and I'm not your baby anymore. I'm 24 years old now .. about to start a family and ..

Reporters immediately interrupted Beyonce saying,

"FAMILY? What, where WHO, is it Jayze, God are you pregnant what's going ON Beyonce talk to us!".

Beyonce continued,

"Like I was saying .. I've got the greatest mom in the world. Perhaps a little TOO great. I can't even go to the mailbox without her standing at the door with a bottle of Bactine in case I trip and scrape my knee come on now can somebody be for REAL off in here?."

"Tina" Knowles, mother of Beyonce Knowles, wife of Houston music mogul Mathew Knowles, herself Tina being an 11 on a 1-10 man-dog scale former Miss Texsas does admit to being a "bit" over-protective of her oldest "baby bird" telling KHOU reporters during a LIVE interview at their North Houston home,

"It's just that I LOVE my little baby so .. I just want to make sure she's alright. It's a rough world out there, especially over here in the Rich part of Houston .... Hold on. ... Beyonce? Are you headed out? Beyonce? Where are you going Beyonce? Don't forget your GPS bracelet baby."

KHOU reporters, cameras still rolling followed Beyonce from the home, out to her SUV where one reporter luckily got to ask her where she was going, Beyonce replying,

"See? I'm just heading over to the Burger King. For a Whopper. See what I've got to live with? Mom, God bless her soul but .. I'M GOING FOR A WHOPPER MOM!! WITH MUSTARD FOR CRYIN OUT LOUD!!!" adding

"I MIGHT EVEN GET SOME FRIES WITH THAT MAMA!!!"

Beyonce's fellow group members, Kelly Rowland and Michelle Williams of Destiny's Child do agree that "Mother Knowles" does sometimes follow Beyonce around perhaps too much, Kelly telling reporters,

"Mrs Knowles does sometimes follow Beyonce to parties and dates and movies and concerts and the mall and IHOP and .. even .. one time Mrs Knowles showed up in her boyfriend Jayze's bedroom disguised as a maid asking what Jayze had planned for her baby bird that night. I'm sure glad Mother Knowles didn't stick around to see the answer to THAT particular question."

Tina Knowles, gifted clothing designer who does indeed design and create all of Destiny Child's astonishing wardrobes promises to let her baby bird go telling reporters,

"She's a super star now. I'll just sit at home, with Papa, sit at home and worry .. worry if my Beyonce is either rotting in a grave or lying on a morgue slab or scattered on the side of the road smashed into a million pieces .. (sniffle)."

Inside sources say that Beyonce did NOT buy that speech to KHOU but did promise her "mom" that she would, sigh, be home again before midnight milk and cookie time.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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