Gay satirists who write for a popular satirical website (Which we can't name here for fear of ridicule.) who apparently have a soft spot for gerbils and cross dressing, were rejoicing this evening as Johnny Robinson made it through to next week's round of X-Factor.
It seems that the cabal of internet satirists, who can't be arsed seeking the elusive pimpernel, used their influence to ensure that Johnny Robinson eased slickly and easily through to the next round.
"What it is, right," Cabal/Clique semi supremo, Martin Shuttlecock told us during a break from recording his latest crap YouTube video. "Is that, being gay and that, well, it took some of us a bit by surprise. So what it is, right, we decided that we'd use our influence to support Johnny Robinson. Who might be a bit gay, and maybe not. We don't really care. The lad's out there having fun, and that's what it's all about. We're bound to piss people off whatever we do, so we'll go for the bloke who looks a bit gay. And hope it really pisses people off. Like, big time. And why not? Fuck 'em."
Cult leader Colonel Juan Two-Tree, a Bolivian native from Droitwich, defended his pathetic, grovelling prodigy, by saying:
"Ignore Shuttlecock. His corset's a bit tight this evening, and he's heavily on the lash. The man's a cunt! Or is he a man? She might be a woman for all I know..."
To which Shuttlecock responded:
"Where's me fuckin' tea! I want spag bol!" Before collapsing face first into an ash tray.
Who cares anyway?
Johnny Robinson is THROUGH!
More as we get it.
*Skoob Entertainment News apologises unreservedly for the shoddy quality of this announcement, but the original signal was somewhat sketchy as it was passed on via an iPad from a gay bondage dungeon somewhere in Buenos Aries.
And the translation was the best we could do at short notice.