Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 22 October 2011

image for Michele Bachmann Says The Rumor That She Was Asked To Be Charlie Sheen's "Cougar Goddess" Is False
The boots that Michele Bachmann wore during the GOP Debate on August 11, 2011, in Ames, Iowa.

CODY, Nebraska - Michele Bachmann's Hair Spray Across America Bus Tour stopped off in Cody, Nebraska, the home of Aunt Agatha's Diet Cornbread.

Bachmann spoke at the local high school's parking lot before a crowd estimated to be in the vicinity of 22 people, including three dogs, two cats, a hamster, and a wayward milk cow.

She told the crowd of Cody residents that she wants them to vote for her and to please ignore the horrible things that those two good old boys Mitt Romney and Rick Perry have been saying about her.

One of the male crowd members yelled out "Like what Michele?" She replied that Romney told Anderson Cooper after the last debate in Las Vegas that her new short hairdo made her look like an old lesbianite.

"What else did dem good old boys say about ya sugar lips?" Shouted another male voice.

Bachmann blew her nose and said that Perry had told the Weather Channel that Michele Bachmann has no business being in politics because she does not even know that the Atlantic Ocean is on the right side of the United States.

She said that she knows exactly where the Atlantic Ocean is because it touches the four new states - New York, New Hampshire, New Jersey, and New Mexico.

Tilapia Frisbee of The Right Coast Illustrated Revue asked her about the current rumor circulating the country that Charlie Sheen sent her an email asking her to be his "Cougar Goddess."

Bachmann shook her head, took a sip of Lowenbrau, and said that she has no idea where the hell that rumor came from because not only has she never met Charlie Sheen she has never watched the show he appears on 30 Rock.

When told that Sheen does not appear on 30 Rock she got a puzzled look on her face and asked if he wasn't that black guy on the show. She was told that the black guy on the show was Tracy Morgan and not Charlie Sheen.

She blushed as she shook her head and said, "Oops my bad, I guess it's true after all...all actors do look alike."

October 28 is National Woodpecker Day so pet stores throughout the nation will be selling woodpeckers for 80 percent off on that day and that day only.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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