Written by Skoob1999
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Saturday, 22 October 2011

image for Satirical Website Exposed As A Haven For Devil Worshippers And Practitioners Of Dark Magick
The Dark Side This Afternoon At About 3pm

A hitherto respectable British based satirical website, (Which we can't name here because we're scared!) has been exposed as a haven for those such as described in the headline, following an undercover investigation by a man in a raincoat.

To all outward appearances, the site specialises in light hearted satire, targeting politicians, celebrities, sports stars, current affairs, and surreal imagery in its experimental magazine supplement.

But there are dark goings on afoot. As our investigation revealed.

The man in the raincoat, (Who can't be identified in case THEY go out looking for him!) told reporters that he was once a frequent visitor to the site, and that he'd considered it to be a normal healthy satirical platform, until he noticed an article which focused on the exploits of a supposedly 'Local Man.'

Further digging revealed that what at first appeared to be a rather crap article about some dipstick going shopping for Christmas tat, evolved into something far more sinister.

"He mentioned a 'black' Christmas tree, which aroused my suspicions immediately," the man in the raincoat explained. "I also uncovered a secret code embedded within the text, which was in fact urging readers to go out and attack their neighbours with a rolled up newspaper."

Upon further investigation, almost every article published on the site contained hidden magic spells and exhortations to commit atrocities such as letting off stink bombs in crowded public places, staging sit-ins outside St Paul's Cathedral, and electing a selected brotherhood of anti-Christs into positions of power, around the globe.

The man in the raincoat decided that the site's writers simply had to be Devil worshippers, and probably conduits for cases of targeted demonic possession.

"The public should steer well clear of these people," the man in the raincoat warned. "They're dangerous. I believe they have the power to cast spells and do gypsy curses and stick pins in voodoo dolls and that. Only the other day I was spying on one of them from a tree in his back garden when he emerged from the house wearing a goat's head mask, stark naked otherwise, apart from being soaked in pig's blood, and he started chanting and doing a strange dance. I believe he was sending subliminal messages. or something."

One so-called writer for the website in question agreed to meet our reporter at an abandoned churchyard, at midnight, as a lightning storm raged.

"That's just bollocks, is that," the 'writer sneered. "I don't do subliminal messages, for a kick off. Now go away before something really nasty happens to you. Like a life threatening accident involving a tin opener. Jeeze - don't you have anything better to do than toss unfounded accusations at innocent Sata...satirists? Shame on you."

At which point, the 'writer' shape-shifted into a giant bat and flew up and away as a bolt of lightning struck a nearby tree in a blinding flash of concentrated electrical energy.

More when we stop shaking.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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