Written by Gail Farrelly
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Thursday, 20 October 2011

image for Queen Elizabeth II Will Compete on Dancing With The Stars
Can she compete?

Everybody's doin' it. Why not Her Majesty?

Rumor is that the Queen made DWTS producers agree to several stipulations before she signed her contract. She will keep her crown on (via Super Glue) and will carry her purse during every performance. Her costumes have to be approved by the Archbishop of Canterbury. Also, she will be wearing her eyeglasses, although she's replaced her usual bifocals with special 3D glasses, which she feels will give her a more "with it" look.

Those in the know say that the Queen will be partnered with professional dancer Derek Hough, 25. She's pleased, telling friends that she refused to be partnered with "some old coot." Apparently Her Majesty is into the whole cougar thing. In fact, she considers it "quite brilliant."

The reaction of the British public to the Dancing With The Stars news has been mixed. One of her subjects shuddered as he remarked, "It's a good thing The Queen Mother isn't alive to see this." Another was more philosophical. "Ya gotta go with the flow, she's endured tougher competitions than this and come out on top."

A teenaged boy expressed the hope that the Queen wouldn't be booted in an early week of the show. "God save the Queen," he said.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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