Written by jd Balderdash
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Saturday, 14 January 2006

image for Judge Alito successfully whistles Andy Griffith theme, nomination virtually Assured

WASHINGTON - Applause rang through both sides of the Senate floor Friday as Judge Samuel Alito successfully whistled the complete theme to the Andy Griffith Show virtually assuring his nomination as the 113th Supreme Court Justice of the United States of America. Alito did have a little trouble during that high part in the song where Andy and Opie are walking to the lake and Andy looks around to make sure Opie is still there but everyone, Republicans and Democrats alike agree that the judge did a "pretty darned good rendition" of the popular television theme.

"I was impressed" said Judiciary Committee Chairman Arlen Specter, "Not only with Alito finally concretely answering at least ONE question posed to him but with his whole whistling performance."

It all began Friday, 2:35 PM. After 3 grueling days of intense questioning the floor was shocked when suddenly Senator Chuck Hagel of Nebraska asked Alito to .. "perform his favorite song".

They were even more shocked when Alito actually did it. Instead of asking

"What does THIS have to do with Roe v. Wade" the judge sat for a moment, stared intently at the camera for about 1 minute, moistened his lips then suddenly started whistling the theme to the Andy Griffith Show.

Observers on the floor say that Alito really "got into" his performance, snapping his fingers in time, swaying his head even during parts of the chorus as if lost in a trance.

Democrats facing an uphill battle should they attempt a filibuster to delay Alito's nomination for the most part raised the white flag, "surrendered like a Frenchman surrounded by a foe" after openly acknowledging Alito's stellar whistling performance.

Ron Howard (Opie), contacted later by reporters said that the song was one of HIS all time favorites as well saying,

"Most folks don't know it but Pa really WAS whistling that song during the opening sequence of the Andy Griffith show. They never showed us actually GETTING to that lake but those were some of my most cherished childhood memories."

Alito, if confirmed, and after his rousing performance most believe he will says that he will uphold the Constitution of the United States of America and/or interpret that Constitution to the best of his jurisprudential ability adding,

"I thought about doing Layla by Derik and the Dominoes but decided to play it more conservatively with the Andy Griffith thing. Do I get the job?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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