The Global Institute for the Management of Population (GIMP) have announced that the world's population has now reached 7 billion vermin (also known as humans). GIMP held a press conference today, wearing masks, and announced various ideas for reducing the numbers of people in the world. Some of those plans are already under way.
Many people in developing countries will be familiar with giant billboards showing happy homosexual couples and the slogan "Save the World! Go Gay!" The billboards were considered too tasteful for use in the West, so an alternative plan called Project Lady Gaga was concocted.
Controversially, Lady Gaga was revealed as the culmination of a secret long-running plan to make Western teenage males so effeminate that they will be incapable or unwilling to reproduce. The plan appears to be working, and teenage pregnancies are already being replaced by teenage nancies.
Other schemes which GIMP came up with to reduce the human population include:
- Selective radiation release from nuclear power stations to cause infertility.
- A global increase in the availability and quality of porn, leading men to have unrealistic standards for sex and a preference for satisfying their sexual urges alone.
- The re-introduction of old time religion, including forcing women to wear head-to-toe coverings and feel very ashamed about anything remotely erotic.
- The "Let Them Starve" campaign, which suggests that it is cheaper to let starving children in the Third World just die, instead of allowing them to grow up and breed more children who will themselves end up starving and dependent on aid to survive.
- Jedward. Their full purpose was not disclosed, but they are definitely having a negative effect on breeding.