Written by Jean Le Fete
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Sunday, 16 October 2011

image for Mick Jagger Leaves List of Don'ts for McCartney at His Carribean Villa
McCartney Weds Shevell

Island Somewhere - Mick Jagger offered the use of his private Caribbean island Villa to Paul McCartney and new bride Nancy Shevell. He apparently left notes all over the house of what could and couldn't be done in the Villa, along with detailed "How To" notes.

"He's become a bit of a fuss budget as he's aged," said Keith Richards, "I think he's paranoid of finding someone in the pool like we did with Brian Jones at the end...Anyway he's always bitched at us about messing up things, or where and when we shag with someone."

Here's the main "How To" list for the Master Bedroom:

1. The round bed rotates, but it is squeakin' a bit on high speed.

2. Try not to walk to much on my genuine Persian carpet, its got mange and might be contagious.

3. The bubble machine is broken, that stupid Wyman put in too much soap about 30 years ago, hasn't been the same since.

4. The trampoline is gettin' a bit old, might be okay for you n the missus, but keep your drummer Abe off of it!!

5. Haven't ridden the horse for a while, might want to put the butler on her first.

6. The llamas spit....nuf said.

7. Keep your grubby hands off me gold records, you've got yer own!

8. The dolphins in the bath tub are not to be fed, they're spoilt enuf as it is...

9. Don't touch my ukelele! You'll not be playing tributes on it for me when I die!!

10. If that weasel Starkey (Ringo)stops buy, tell 'em he owes me rent from the last time he was there!

McCartney and Shevall are scheduled to be at the hideaway for four days.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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